Words and Love

When your relationship is challenged, consider how you communicate. Words can hurt. The appropriate words, delivered at the right time, can heal.
Here are three tips to improve your communication - and your relationship.

1. Examine the style of communication you and your partner apply when relating to each other. When you have hurt feelings, are you able to address them in the moment or do you let resentments build and hold a grudge? Do either of you avoid unpleasant situations by changing the subject or leaving the room? How much of the time are you in either defense or attack mode with your partner?


2. Find a nonviolent communications approach. You will get your needs met more of the time when you avoid blame and attacks on the other person's character or behavior. Notice when you go into defense mode too, as this is a fear-based response. A nonviolent response to a loved one is one involving neutrality. You let your partner know how you feel about something - without attack - telling him or her what you need and asking if he or she would be willing to give you that.  Willingness, calmness, and neutrality go a long way.


3. Avoid saying things without first considering the appropriate words and time frame. Just because you are feeling something, it doesn't mean it's the right time to say how you feel. First calm yourself and invite your intuitive right brain to help you with words and timing. Five minutes of discussing a highly-charged issue are well spent when both people are present focused, receptive, and speaking the appropriate words. Sometimes five minutes is all you need!

In my new book, "Your Guide to Earth's Pivotal Years," I give you more specific tools for creating loving relationships.